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Math Jokes Galore!!!


This is a extensive collection of math jokes (maybe even the largest on the whole entire internet! haha). Enjoy, because I know I did.

Warning: Most of these are not very funny, except of course to mathematicians.

There are a number of jokes that deal with Groups (a Group is a set of things with an operation thingy defined on them).

Q: What's purple and commutes?
An Abelian grape.

Q: What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?
A simple grape, it has no normal subgrapes.

Q: What is lavender and commutes?
An Abelian semigrape.

Q: What's purple, commutes, and is worshipped by a limited number of people?
A finitely-venerated Abelian grape.

Q: What's purple, round, and doesn't get much for Christmas?
A finitely presented grape.

Enough with the grapes! We get it!!

Q: What's nutritious and commutes?
An Abelian soup.

Q: What's hot, chunky and acts on a polygon?
Dihedral soup.

Q: What's sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemon.

Q: What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn's lemming.

I first heard the following joke at a talk that modelled the West Nile Virus. The talk was excellent, but even more amazing is that someone who had never heard the joke was able to come up with the answer! (after five minutes of thinking, of course).

Q: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
You can't cross a vector with a scalar.
hahaha.. do you get it?

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain goat and a mountain climber?
Nothing, you can't cross two scalars.

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Here are some more jokes in no particular order.
Q: What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
The real lime.

Q: What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A Bananach space.

Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A lamb, duh!

Math and Alcohol don't mix, so... Please Don't Drink and Derive!

Q: What is a proof?
One-half percent of alcohol.

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!

Q:What is a dilemma?
A lemma that proves two results.

Q: What's a polar bear?
A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

Q: What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
Moebius Dick.

Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
An Algebra.

In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.0. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.

Q: Why didn't Newton discover group theory?
Because he wasn't Abel.

Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi!

Kael: What's your favorite thing about mathematics?
Mike: Knot theory.
Kael: Yeah, me neither.

Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.

Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy?
Because he left a residue at every pole.

Q: What do you get if you cross oatmeal with a duck?
|oatmeal|*|duck|*sin(theta)
Don't worry, I got this one wrong too. I thought the answer was Quacker Oatmeal! Those silly mathematicians.

Q: What is a topologist?
Someone who cannot distinguish between a donut and a coffee cup.

Q: What is a compact city?
It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many nearsighted policemen.

Q: Why can't you grow wheat in Z/6Z?
It's not a field.

Q: What's grey, huge and has integer coefficients?
An elephantine equation.

Q: What is used by Canadians (and people from Wisconsin) to help solve certain differential equations?
The Lacross transform.

Q: What is clear and used by trendy sophisticated engineers to solve other differential equations?
The Perrier transform.

Q: What is very old, used by farmers, and obeys the fundamental theorem of arthimetic?
An antique tractorization domain.

Sex is like math:
Add the bed,
Subtract the clothes,
Divide the legs,
and pray to God you don't Multiply!


Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school?
They required an orientation.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other...

Q: What did Zero say to Eight?
Nice belt.

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Probably...

Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at the Mandarin, insist on taking the leftovers home?
Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!


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